Marveling at the Timing of an All-Knowing God

This morning in our team devotions (when we all gather first thing in the morning to read from God's Word and pray together before spreading out to our various ministries for the day), Vicki shared from Psalm 46. A few months ago, in June - just before the South's Independence - I too had shared from Psalm 46 in a morning devotion. Why is that significant? you might ask... well on BOTH occasions, without our previous knowledge, only an hour or two after our devotion time fighting broke out in ares just north and east of us. BOTH times. Let me share Psalm 46 with you:

1 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should shake
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
He burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

I would like to recount today's events so that you can praise with us, this God of Ours who sees, cares, intervenes, protects, and provides...

7:00-7:30 - team devotions
8:20 - phone call from James Hurun (my Mabaan Dad who is in Renk right now - to tell me that there was fighting in a place called Damazine - in the North, and north of Kurmuk which is about a 1/2 hour flight away from Doro).
8:30 - Nehemiah came to work and confirmed the above information. Vicki and I contacted our office in Nairobi to notify them, and that all was well in Doro.
8:30-9:30 - Christiane Checked email and an Antanov plane flew by (not over us, but close enough to hear it's unmistakable drone) and I updated my FB status with the Damazine News headline from the Sudan Tribune
9:40 - Nehemiah our compound manager came onto the compound looking for me to tell me that he'd just gotten off the phone with someone in Kurmuk who said that the Antanov had dropped bombs there.
9:50 - I contacted our director to give him this news and he then contacted our partners AIM Air to turn around a flight that had just picked up missionaries from 3 organizations in Kurmuk and Yabus to have them return and evacuate the rest of our Yabus personnel (Krumuk and Yabus are very close and often 'share' trouble when it comes).
10:00 - I am 1/2 way through my shower when the AIM Air flight flies overhead to land and re-fuel in Doro... I throw on some clothes and run to the air strip.
10:10 - I, unfortunately, am the first one to inform the people from Kurmuk that their area had been bomed MOMENTS after the flight took them out.
10:15-11:15 - a lot of phone calls and plans being made on the airstrip and discussions of the Lord's provisions. SUCH AS: our mobile networks here in our area have been so patchy and unreliable lately... but for the past 12 hours every text message sent by our friends in Kurmuk to their offices in Nairobi went and was replied to with NO problems - it's hard describe what a miracle this is. Also, they literally were in the air no more than 10 minutes before the Antanov flew over Kurmuk.
11:20 - Plane is unloaded of luggages and the pilots (and our team mate Ryan) fly BACK to Yabus to pick up 2 more SIM missionaries who were not planning on coming out today. We took the rest of our 'visitors' back to the compound to hydrate and feed them a little bit of food.
12:10 - the Plane returns to Doro to pick up original passengers and carry them safely on to Loki and then Nairobi. When the plane re-landed, we were informed that TEN MINUTES after the plane left Yabus the FIRST TIME a plane had flown over and sprayed (bullets) the airstrip. Our pilots were in contact with their base through the whole flight and were only ONE MINUTE on the ground in Yabus, to collect our 2 remaining SIM missionaries, before taking off again.
12:30 - a text back to our office in Nairobi to let our praying team mates there know that all were safe and headed their way, Praise the Lord.

**only a 1/2 hour later HUGE thunder heads rolled into the Doro/Yabus area and unloaded... which would have meant that plane would have been GROUNDED if the timing had been any different**

Another thing we are thankful for, is that, b/c of a bad infection I've had in my leg this past week, I've been here in Doro rather then in Gasmalla as I usually am. My being here today allowed me to be the one communicating with Nairobi, organizing things for our unexpected visitors, etc... allowing Vicki, our other base leadership member to carry on with her special ministry to our local 'Traditional Birth Attendants' that had been planned for today - and would have been delayed otherwise, with Vicki doing all of the above things that I was able to do in stead. Also, only just yesterday did we get more credit put on our Thuraya (Satelite phone) that we have on our base in order to communicate with Nairobi in case of emergencies... had Vicki not noticed we were out and had our office staff not acted quickly to get us more yesterday before our office closed, we would not have been able to communicate with Nairobi during this whole ordeal.

With all this being said, and the evidence of the Lord's Goodness to us and in our circumstances here, we still recognize that for so many of the Sudanese people living in Damazine, Kurmuk, and Yabus the situation feels very different... No airlift is coming for them, they are hiding in the bushes with no belongings and are worried about their children and what has become of their homes. Somehow, the Lord is NO LESS GOOD in their situations, yet it is different. Please join us in the 'prayer battle' for these countries and for the lives of the Sudanese, and South Sudanese in these areas. Please also pray for our friends who are thankful for their safely yet having to deal with the guilt of being safe while people they love are hiding in the bushes... I have no wisdom to give them, no way of understanding even... but I do know "The Lord of hosts is WITH US, the God of Jacob is our STRONGHOLD".

Announcing the New Republic of South Sudan!!

After decades of fighting for freedom the citizens of South Sudan PROUDLY stand together with heads held high and hearts full of hope as this past Saturday - July 9th, 2011 - they watched, in unity, the 'old' country flag of Sudan be removed from it's perch on the pole and their new country's flag - the flag which started as a symbol of a 'rebel uprising' - was hoisted high and given it's new position of authority over this now independent nation: the Republic of South Sudan!


It's been an extremely exciting weekend here in Doro as we, along with around 50 thousand Mabaan friends, and a smattering of those from other tribes as well gathered in our town 'square' (the football field) to dance and sing and celebrate the birth of the new country!


The 'buzz' in the air was contagious and not one heart was left un-stirred as friends and 'family' danced and cried for joy as the memories of their loved ones long gone, either in death or displacement to far off countries are no longer 'in vain'... what was fought with blood, sweat, and tears, is STILL (3 days later) being reaped in South Sudan with sounds of JOY...


The New South Sudan is in great need of your ongoing prayers, as in so many ways, we've only reached the base of the mountain... Building up a brand new country with strong foundations and lack of corruption is extremely difficult, and the challenges facing South Sudan at this time are enormous. We are so excited, humanly speaking, for this monumental occasion, yet we know that the people of South Sudan can REALLY only experience TRUE FREEDOM and have TRUE HOPE through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Join us in praying for the leaders of this New Nation and for the Church in this Nation... that the foundations being build here would be in the LORD and that the people's hope and trust would not be miss-placed or miss-guided... Pray that the Believers here in this country would themselves know and understand Jesus more and more, and in so doing, turn others toward the true Savior of their Land.

Tears Don't Translate

Sunday morning I woke up from a deep but short sleep in my new mud & grass house in Gasmalla... The day was new and full of promise and the village outside was alive and bustling.

I had not gotten much more accomplished than getting dressed, eating a little breakfast, and washing my face before I saw my friend Baria headed pointedly toward my house with something in hand... I re-arranged my chair and stool and when she came in I told her to sit – happy, because this was her first visit to my new little house! But, there was something wrong, I could see it on her face – she was serious and had come for something specific... in her hand she was holding the pictures I had given out yesterday from those I had gotten developed during my last time in Nairobi...

I knew almost instantly what was wrong.

“Katta” she started... “I have come to speak with you about these pictures... There is a problem. Look at this picture, is it good?” I remained silent because in my mind, it was a very wonderful picture – of her son and another little boy – the clarity of the photo and their smiles make it actually one of my very favorite that I’ve taken recently... but I knew she was not thinking the same as me. “Katta, look at Samson’s nose... why did you take this picture – it looks like he has no mother. It makes my heart very angry because everyone saw this picture and laughed... to Mabaan, it looks like he has no mother that cares for him, if he’s running around with a runny nose...” My heart was breaking... “ Oh Baria” I said, “people don’t think that... I’m so sorry, you are a wonderful mother.” “Katta this made me angry and I wanted to come and talk to you about it, because you are part of us. When the children come and want you to take their picture and you see this, please, tell them to wipe their noses! When people from your country see this picture they will laugh – what will they think of us?” “Oh Baria, children are like this all over the world – people in my country will not laugh... but you are right. I did not think, when I took this picture. Please forgive me, next time I will do better.”

After this interaction I sat in my little house, tears streaming down my face... but not for the reason you might think. Sure, my heart was heavy because I’d caused my friend pain and a restless night, sure I was ashamed and wondering if everyone in the village thought I had done something wrong by taking this picture... But mostly my heart was blessed. Moments like this I swear it’s like someone has ‘stirred up’ the nearby pot of Eternity and it’s fragrance is released on the wind for a few seconds... you get a glimpse of what is yet to come b/c moments like this I am sure bless the Lord’s heart when His children work out what it means to follow Him well... I do not know if the reasons in Baria’s heart for coming to me were out of Biblical motivation – probably not (since Scripture is not well known to her or any of the women yet), but the truth of it is, what she did was entirely Biblical, and such a blessing to my heart. To think that our relationship was strong enough that she would choose to come to me, to confront me even, and to do it just the two of us (she didn’t bring anyone to translate) made me so proud and humbled me completely. I so love these women – well the whole village really – but they are just so special, and I would hate to do anything to hurt them... But how beautiful is it, truly, when something unfortunate and accidental does occur , that someone can come directly to you and deal with it... Oh, what a blessing to my heart – would that this would happen in all cultures, in all churches, amongst us all in the Body of Christ.

I sat there contemplating all these things and feeling the depth of the immense privilege it is to live and serve the Lord among these people, tears coursing down my face, and I realized that Ama – my Mabaan mom, was now headed pointedly toward my house... and she wasn’t smiling either... Oh oh...

I wiped my face quickly because I knew that she’d be worried if she saw tears and welcomed my second visitor of the morning! Ama had no more than sat down before spouting, “Katta Baria is not good – she should not have come to you like that... You have done nothing wrong. What did she say to you?” I told Ama that I thought Baria’s words were very good – I told her what she said, and then asked her why it was bad that she came to me? “Katta the children come to you all the time for you to take their picture... they’re always dirty and have runny noses... what are you supposed to do, sent them home to get clean before you take their picture!? Baria should not be upset with you... children are like this and your pictures are good...” At this point – my already mushy heart started feeling especially tender towards this women, who, in all honestly I don’t often connect with, was coming to my defence and being very protective of me... tears were threatening (yet again) and I was desperately trying to keep them at bay... “Katta you are here with us under me, and under James – I am your mother, and he your father... if you did something not good we would tell you. She cannot come to you like this – you are part of us. Do not worry Katta, James is coming home tonight (he was on trip to a village church a 6 hour walk away) and we’ll fix this then... Katta – don’t cry! You can’t cry like this... See? Her words were not good – you are crying – ahhhhh, Katta.” As you can tell, the tap was already on, and I couldn’t stop it. :) The other thing I couldn’t do was explain that I was actually crying because I was feeling so entirely loved and cared for that my heart was overflowing... I was a little hurting because I was causing the village grief and tension, but mostly I was just mushy – but I couldn’t explain it! I just kept saying, “Ama, I’m ok – her words were not bad, they were true... really I’m ok, don’t worry about my tears, I’m fine.”

Ama left with a rather distraught look on her face and marched over to my neighbour's house, Tia and Yohanna – who were working outside... from inside my house I could sense what was about to occur and started giggling because I knew that the whole scenario was unavoidable at this point.... “Baria went to Katta and said bad words and now she is crying inside her house!” Oh no... :)

I wiped off my face with a cold cloth and tried to remove the evidence before more drama evolved and decided to go sit outside and read my Bible so people wouldn’t think I was in a heap in my house! But Ama re-appeared... “Katta, give me your bucket and let me go fetch you water for a bath...” “No, Ama, I’m ok – I just showered last night, I’m clean!” “Ah, Katta, your crying and my heart is not feeling good because of it” – I had never seen this look on Ama’s face before... she didn’t know what to do with me and her first reaction was to serve me and try to make the whole situation better... I had so much love in my heart for this lady at this moment – I had no idea she cared so much... she is not an easy lady to read...

So, I perched myself on my little Mabaan stool just outside my house door, took a deep breath to clear my head and opened up my Bible... Within seconds my good friend Joseph had walked over from his house and sad down... “Katta, I heard you were upset, what did Baria say...?” (Joseph is one of our CHW’s working with the Water Project, speaks English, and is very much like a brother to me here in Sudan). Joseph and I weren’t talking long before two of my uncles, the church elders, were on their way over... Joseph gave up his seat for Daaud, and Yohanna plunked himself down on the dirt (this in itself was an act or demonstration of love because unless there is a mat or unless they are in their fields working – I’ve never seen a man sit straight on the ground – clearly Yohanna thought this situation serious enough to not worry about a chair at all). Daaud started “Katta, Baria came to you, and we are not happy – what did she say?” I endeavoured to explain yet again that her words were not bad and that I was very happy she had come to me with the problem... “but Katta, for us, she should not have done this thing... you bring wonderful pictures to us – you take them of our children, go to Nairobi and spend money to bring them back to us... this is a good thing... she is upset because we laughed at the picture – the fault is not yours but ours. Katta, we don’t want you feeling bad like this, you’ve done nothing wrong. We want you to sit well among us...” I just couldn’t handle all the love and affection – of course, tears spilled over yet again (Katta get a grip!!!)...

I managed to keep myself together through church (it was just one of those days that a good song could have set me crying again and then I’d have the whole church worried!!), and by the afternoon was convinced that my tears had dried up (probably had something to do with the 110F degree weather and my dehydration level :) ). I was sitting under a tree with Ama (who was washing clothes) and Falita, when Baria came over and brought all the fixin’s for making coffee... I was wondering if she felt the need to give out a peace offering since clearly most of the village had disagreed with her and was miffed... I made the conscious decision to move my stool over and start helping Baria with the coffee making process... once the beans were roasted and cooled, I picked up the pestle and mortar and started to grind the beans. Baria and I continued to make coffee together for all the ladies, and it was lovely. I wanted everyone to see (by now surely EVERYONE knew what had happened in the morning – for NOTHING is a secret in the village :)) that Baria and I were ok – our relationship had not been affected – she had forgiven me for causing her heart grief, and I was not upset or hurting because she came to me and expressed herself. I have no idea if any of the ladies noticed or if they realized that I was trying to make a point, and was being intentional at reaching out and bridging the gap... But I pray they could smell that sweet aroma of Eternity being stirred up for a brief moment, as the Kingdom of Heaven grew in my heart, and I pray, in their hearts as well...

... but in case you ever wondered... tears do not translate :)

Blind... but still seeing

I have a friend named Saphia. Saphia is blind, and has been for a long time. I met Saphia WAY back at the beginning when I started living in Gasmalla. She is old (for rural Africa), in her 60’s, and is the aunt of my Mabaan Dad, James... which technically makes her my great aunt.

I have had many humorous interactions with Saphia over the 2+ years that I have known her... one of my favourites being a day I came to visit her before I left for my usual two weeks in Nairobi. She’d asked if I brought her coffee and sugar, which of course I hadn’t, and we were laughing at that while I was trying to explain to her that I would be gone for 2 weeks, and then would be coming back. “Where are you going? To your country?” “No, no, just to Nairobi, I’ll be back soon” “oh Good!!”, she said while her hands moved over my shoulders as if looking for something... Soon she found what she was looking for, as she tucked a finger under my shirt collar, pulled back, and then released what her unseeing eyes had sought. Ouch. Saphia had found my bra strap, and exclaimed “Katta!! I want one of THOSE!! When you come back from Nairobi bring me one of those!!” :) How can you not love someone like Saphia?

The other day I was over across the river for a wedding; I’d walked over with a number of our Gasmalla church ladies. The wedding was for a young man, a relative of James and Ama’s, who is a soldier and well known in the community. There must have been over 400 people gathered for this celebration. We, being ‘church people’, were tucked off to the side – rather separate from the actual celebration, which includes copious amounts of locally brewed wine, and much dancing of the women – most of whom have greatly enjoyed the wine! This wedding also had a number of soldiers in attendance, and as usual, there were groups gathered and scattered under various trees throughout the whole village; segmented by age, station, gender, etc... We must of have been the ‘church group’ (felt a little like my high school days). I’m still trying to decipher how ‘we’ feel about such social events, and if we are separate by choice, or by accident, or by conviction... the jury is still out. At any rate, another topic for another day!

Anyway! We were sitting and enjoying tea and a little girl appeared and sat with us for a while. But, she kept starting at me – not being entirely sure why, I just smiled back and tried to ignore her. Eventually, she found her voice and said, “S-a-p-h-i-a...” She said it so slowly that I thought she was trying to tell me her name, so I said, “oh! Your name if Saphia?” “No, Saphia greets you!” By now, a few of the ladies had realized this little girl was trying to communicate with me and, leaving their conversation, turned to hear what she was saying... “Ah Saphia! Your friend, Katta!” I guess Saphia was AT the wedding, and somehow heard that I was there (news travels fast through 400 people when an unexpected khawaja shows up at a wedding!) and she’d sent this little mite to greet me on her behalf... so sweet!

So Rahilla, one of my Gasmalla ladies said she’d take me over to greet Saphia myself – so off we went! We worked our way through crowds of dancers, drinkers, and children and finally found Saphia sitting under a tree. “Saphia!! It’s me Katta! How are you?” “AHHHHH!! Katta!!!” What followed was a rather loud and exciting set of interactions between us with multiple hugs thrown in. No sooner did we have our greeting out of the way than Saphia looped my arm around her neck and declared, for the 50+ people watching our scene, “We’re going dancing!!” So, off we trotted – Saphia singing out a tune I didn’t know, with us shuffling our feet to the same rhythm, and slowly but surely working our way down the path, to the delight and entertainment of many wedding guests... there goes a khawaja dancing with a blind lady!! Something memorable indeed.

When we worked our way back to the bed she’d been sitting on, we collapsed, giggling – both, I’m sure, for quite different reasons :) Then, turning her body towards me, her eyes drifting off somewhere over my right shoulder, she says to me with a big smile on her face, “Ah Katta! ‘Ya ningu bongiti!” (literally: Katta, my eyes are exhausted for you!)

*I need to insert, at this point in the story, an explanation of this Mabaan phrase. When a Mabaan wants to say that you are missed, or will be missed, or were missed, the way they express it is this; ‘my eyes are exhausted or ‘out of breath’ for you!’ The meaning being, that their eyes were so busy searching the horizon for your return that they are winded from the work of looking for you! Thus, you are missed! Is that not just the most wonderful way to say that!?*

So, as Saphia says to me, ‘Katta my eyes have been exhausted for you!,’ the irony of that phrase against her physical situation hit me like a ton of bricks. My thought was, Saphia, your eyes are exhausted for more than just ME... it’s been YEARS since you’ve seen anything! Of course the phase of saying you’ve missed someone would be the same, whether you can physically see or not, but it struck me full force that this blind women would say how tired her eyes had been, implying that they also were no longer tired b/c now she’d ‘seen’ me...

I recovered from my attempt to adjust my brain to this linguistic reality, and was able to reply that my eyes also have been exhausted for her, but felt a twinge of ... was it guilt?... that my eyes are healthy and seeing.

I’ve been mulling over all this for the past few days, and then just this morning I starting thinking about the spiritual analogies found here, with my dear friend Saphia...

No matter who we are in this world – no matter what our color, gender, status, or belief – we are all in search of something... in fact, when you get right down to it, we’re all in search of the same something. Because we were created in the Image of the One who created us, I believe we are all longing for our reunion with Him... because our soul knows, that only then, will we be fully Whole, fully ‘realized’, even by ourselves... because apart from Him, something is always missing...

Whether or not we’d like to admit it, our eyes are totally winded because of this Something we are looking for... Sure we can distract ourselves for a while, but usually, when we’re alone, looking out over the ocean, or a field, or a landscape full of mountains, we recognize that cry within our hearts... that familiar one we try to ignore because we’re not quite sure what to do with it... that ‘looking’ for Something more... SomeOne...

Even as a Christian, as someone trying to fashion my life and person after Jesus, this ‘looking’ is in me too... but I know it to be a ‘looking’ for more of HIM. Though I know the Truth, and am assured that I will one sweet day be with HIM, here on this earth, that knowledge alone is not entirely satisfying, because still my eyes – both physical and spiritual, long to SEE His face, to be 100% in His Presence.

For Saphia, even in her blindness, she can ‘see’ – her longing to ‘see’ me was satisfied by just being with me... it was satisfied, but not complete, for she didn’t truly see me.

This IS the message of the Gospel is it not? – that God came down to us, to step into that gap that lays between Him and us, because of our sin, for the purpose of re-uniting us to Himself. Because of our human limitations and the ongoing reality of our sin – though it’s been dealt with – we are unable to fully be present with Him here on this earth, and so, even as Believers, our hearts long to be present with Him completely... Being finally complete ourselves; understanding fully His love for us, His forgiveness of us, understanding HIM, and being utterly swept up in amazement of Who our God is... THIS is the Gospel; that this reunion has been made possible, by the One who made us...

One day, Saphia will fully see. One day I will fully see.

Until that day... ‘Ya ningu bonge Yaccuti.

A Sense of Something Greater

Ok, so MONTHS ago I told you I would fill you in on how our Thomaji Outreaches got started every Wednesday... Below you will find the very long, but very worthwhile story explaining it all :) Please read it, as it was the thing that kept me going for 8 months in the clinic, and something I STILL feel was the start of something still to come... simply, just one of those things were you get a sense that you're a part of something much greater than what you know in that moment...

(this is the email I sent to a select few right when it all happened... with a few edits here and there :P )

Hey to all my loves ones :) February 11th, 2010

Today was one of those days where, while showering off the layers of salt and dirt from myself, a smile creeps onto my face and I ask myself, in all seriousness, does ANYONE on this earth live as an amazing life as I am getting to out here...?! Now, I realize that 'amazing' is totally subjective and that bicycling 4 hours in on very bumpy bush paths, getting cuts and scrapes, and hiking your skirt up so you can cross a river, while gradually getting more and more dehydrated, isn't everyone's idea of an awesome day, but it's pretty much tops for me - these reasons plus many more meaningful ones :)

So, to fill you in - while I am working in the clinic these next number of months, I am, by the sheer Grace and Sovereignty of God, getting to do some of those things that I've been dreaming about, at the village level... There is so much to this story, but for now all you need to know is that every Wednesday I get to take 2 of our CHW's from the clinic and travel out to a village far away (a huge village... 4000ppl, on the other side of the river across from Gasmala) called Thomaji. Our purpose in going is to do Growth monitoring of children under 5, and pregnancy screening - for starters anyway. I had been over to Thomaji a few times in the last year and the needs on that side of the river are a stark contrast to what seems like almost 'urban' Doro in comparison (this place really does have 'the ends of the earth' within it's boarders!) Anyway, so a few weeks ago when Sandy and I started taking about this Wednesday outreach thing, the first village that came to mind was Thomaji...

So, today we went out there for the first time - I contacted the wonderful Pastor Daniel out there to have him gather all the chiefs and leaders b/c we wanted to discuss health things with them. I've been dwelling extra on this for a whole week - feeling extremely insignificant, crazy intimidated, and ridiculously honored to have this opportunity. I mean seriously, who gets to sit in a meeting with like 10 elders of a crazy rural village in SUDAN and make plans with them about improving the lives of their villagers!? Why doesn't EVERONE want this 'job' :)? I hardly slept last night b/c I was so amped and going over and over our conversation (in advance)... trying to think about what they would think of our proposed outreach, what their possible qualms might be, everything...

The Lord is so good. Seriously, He was preparing me for this meeting today. I had this odd feeling I couldn't put my finger on - not just nerves, but that somehow this meeting wouldn't be as straightforward, 'gee that sounds great thanks for coming!' as one might like or expect, given our context... Anyway, while I was prep-ing yesterday I felt strongly that I need to communicate that We (the clinic/SIM) care a lot for their villages and people, and that even though they are so far away from the clinic, we want to help them have and attain good health (among other things!) I soon found out why the Lord had me lead off with that assurance of our hearts for them...

So, it turns out that the people of Thomaji essentially feel "forgotten". You see, they live a good 2-4 hours way from Doro (clinic) and Bunj (market) (it's a huge hunk of land, Thomaji), and all the NGO's and people that have come to help the Mabaan people, none of them cross the river... Thomaji has seen very very little movement in the progression of their lives since returning from the war. They have almost given up and are now very skeptical of anyone who says they want to help... Apparently many have come to say that they would help, but they never come back and nothing changes, no improvements are made. This one, very ballsy chief (who I REALLY like), looked right at me and said, "Really, even though you've come all this way to meet with us, I am thinking that you've only come to exchange words, you aren't actually going to help us or give us medications..." Woof. Ok Lord, so how the heck do I give an answer that doesn't promise something I can't keep, but still instills hope without sounding false and empty?? *deep breath!*

Part of our goal in going out there today was to find out from them what concerns they have for their people - what are their issues as they see them? So, in order to get discussion going we told this story about a village that was pretty much over-run with lions. These lions would come into the village every night, wounding and killing people. Many had died. So the villagers tried to figure out what they could do to solve the problem of the lions... Well, they would build a hospital so that those wounded would get treatment... they did that, but the lions kept attacking - so that wasn't the solution... So, next they built a huge fence around their village - so tall that the lions couldn't jump or climb over it and they put big heavy doors at the entrance that the people would go in and out off.... and that solved the problem of attacks during the night, but this one lady, when she took her two children out to her field was attacked and the lions ran off with her little baby... The problem of the lions was still there... what would they do? The village decided that they need to train some of their young men to hunt and kill the lions. So, when they were ready the men left to track down the lions... two of the men died and a few were wounded, but eventually the men came back victorious b/c they had killed the last lion. This was how they solved the problem of lions...

-So, following a more elaborate telling of that story, we asked these leaders what their "lions" are - what were their big issues that needed attacking b/c they were hurting their people...? This was a huge discussion and there's no way I can tell you all that they said, but, they did say some predictable things like "we need more clean water - our people are drinking from the river" (you should see this river, it's like chocolate milk), "we need a clinic - this is our first priority" (of course it is, and they are absolutely right, they DO need a clinic), etc... But, one of the most heart wrenching responses was from a man who addressed me by name when we came to join the meeting (I have no idea how he knows me, I don't recall his face, but that probably made his words tug at my heart even more). He said, "Katta, we thank you for coming, it's good really. And I like this story about lions very much - it is very applicable for us as we have many lions. But, we will be killed completely by our lions - they are too many, and we have no way to fight them. Our Lions are going to kill us before we can kill them." Holy moly - are YOU crying b/c I sure was... (and dang I was trying not too!) How in the face of that hopelessness can I offer our little "under 5 clinics" every Wednesday and think that they should be excited about it...? I felt like I was sitting before a man who was absolutely starving and I hand him one little peanut and then look eagerly at his face waiting for his gratitude. Seriously. Get real.

But, as we know, SO much, the Lord is SO good, and He gave me, multiple times, just the right (I think) words to respond to them. It's SO hard, man, I can hardly explain it to you, to offer what, in their eyes seems like so little... but it WILL make a difference and it IS a start. I told them that I agree with them, they do need a clinic... and as we know things like that take much time... but, I assured them we were on that road with them... this (monitoring the children) is the first step. I said, "when you want to build a house, before you can build upwards, you need to first dig holes in the ground - you go down before you go up..." Such is it with this - even though their ultimate goal is a clinic, these are the first steps... Amazingly, they seemed ok with this. Even though my ballsy opinionated Chief said "I still think you won't show up next week... but it's a good idea" :) He also asked, rather forcefully, "We are all sick, why are you starting with the children!? What about us!?" ... To which I took a deep breath, prayed, and said... "if we don't start with the children but start with you, there will be no one alive in Thomaji tomorrow... We need to start with the children to make sure that Thomaji people are still living here in years to come. If we start with the adults only, you will all die" (man, it sounds really sinister all typed out, but it wasn't said like that... the Lord put the words in my mouth so well that Daniel could hardly wait to do the translation - and it made my cynical ballsy chief laugh :) Then he said, "ok, ok... start with the children" :)

So... NOW do you think I had an awesome day?? There is SO much more I could tell you - but, I have a splitting headache and my bed is calling my name! But PLEASE... PLEASE keep praying for us every Wednesday... I feel like we are walking a very fine line in order to gain the trust of some of these men. I need SO much Wisdom from the Lord and Discernment of the Spirit on what and when to say things. I also need SO much energy to do this - it's REALLY far from Doro and the work out there is going to be incredibly exhausting (plus the weight of responsibility for the 2 CHW's I take out there). BUT, I AM CONFIDENT OF THIS... the Lord is ALL OVER IT.. it was HIS idea, and HE has NOT forgotten these people (as I told them repeatedly today). HE will give us what we need to accomplish what HE has set out to do - and amazingly enough, He's letting us be apart of it... is there seriously anything better in this whole world then knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is working and wanting you to join in?? Woof! :)

Ok you guys... I love you - thanks SO much for praying about today - and thanks in advance for praying about EVERY Wednesday! :) I'll try to keep you posted. I'm really excited about visiting that one Chief's village - that will be two weeks from now :) hehe... over time, I pray he trusts us... but more than that, I pray he learns to put is trust in Jesus. Pray for us, pray for them. Thanks you guys. Feel free to pass this email along to others.

An exhausted but very contented, Chris xoxo

**It's important for you to know that this Chief and I are now very good friends :) His name is Binge Loude, and when we arrived in his village for our first week, he came over to our group to greet us, looked right at me & stuck out his hand... "You CAME"... "Yes, we CAME". This exchange IS part of a typical Mabaan greeting, but for both of us this day, it had a double meaning :) Please continue to pray for this man... I'm anxious to have more stories to post about him in the future :)

****Congratulations... you made it to the end****

here it is... finally!

farwell to another year

Well... I cheated and am posting this much beyond when the date claims! (my OCD wins again... I wanted one more post in 2010!!)

I realize how desperately far behind I am in my blogging... I`m so sorry. But, thank you for continuing to come here and check to see if I`ve posted anything new... your faithfulness blesses me :)

I will attempt to post today, the video I have played for churches and friends all across Canada. It is a great collage of pictures from my first two years of living and ministering in Sudan - from my time of Language learning, to working in the clinic - it`s all there... briefly :)

There are so many things I wish I`d written about over the past few months... some of which I will try to do during the next few weeks, as some stories and things just really need to be recorded on something permanent... until I write my book that is :P just kidding. Sitting here right now and looking back, I find it rather fascinating how much I just couldn`t bring myself to blog or post pictures on Facebook just after I left Sudan. Somehow posting about it would have forced me to re-live the pain of leaving, and I just couldn`t bring myself to do it. But, sitting back on this continent again, with my people just a little bit closer, geographically, and talk in the air of when we`ll be able to return to Sudan... my thoughts constantly travel back to my final days there... and there is so much for you to hear about.

I`ll do my best! But, in the mean time - enjoy these beautiful faces!

By Faith

It's no accident that this morning's message in Gasmalla, was on Hebrews 11... the Hall of Faith chapter. Although I could follow along with the Scripture reading, and SOME of what Yohanna said, his point was this... "By Faith all these lived and served God... and this is the sort of Faith that God wants from us..." I have to say, I didn't think too much about this message after the service, but carried on to have a great time with my lovely friends out there...

Then this evening, during our Khawaja Sunday service at the compound - it was no accident - that Rob chose to take us on a 'path of remembrance' for those missionaries who served and died here in the 40's...

By Faith, two couples and one single nurse started out to this isolated land on donkey back, to bring the Gospel to the Mabaan people. By Faith they served here for 3 years (or less for a few), learning language and falling in love with the people. By Faith they stayed although danger was not far off. By Faith they looked danger in the face, and By Faith, the Lord chose to allow that danger to take their lives. By Faith the team of four remaining, buried one of their own on August 23rd, and then his wife the next morning. By Faith the rest stayed on, continuing to give of themselves and serve the Lord their God, by serving His people.

By Faith, all these served and pressed on, believing their labors were not in vain... And, it's with this cloud of witnesses who've gone before that there are those today, who By Faith, continue to serve the Lord by serving His people here in Mabaan. Because of the Faith of those who've gone before, we have the opportunity to have Faith and Vision for today - because of the seeds these Faithful planted, we continue to sow and reap today.

By Faith (some days more than others) we serve here now, choosing to believe that our labor is not in vain (some days this is easier to believe than others)... and By Faith we believe that the Lord, knowing the 'big picture' knows what this tilled ground will look like another 70 years from now. Will the memorial cemetery, where these Faithful lay, have more added? Will this country see yet another war and more destruction? Will the Mabaan church continue to struggle or will it flourish? Will one day... the cloud of witnesses be added too with Faithful from within the Mabaan who go out to serve By Faith, to bring the Gospel to another tribe who has yet to hear?




By Faith we believe. By Faith we walk forward. By Faith we serve. By Faith alone we bring Him Glory.

According to Kev

Today I thought it would be good to give you a bit of an insight into my everyday life, so you can understand a little of what it is like for me living my life as a superhero nurse in deepest darkest Africa. So, here is a day in the life of Christiane Fox.

6:45am: We have to get up stinking early for team devotions. Well I say we, I never actually go unless I’m leading it. Instead, I sleep in until as late as possible, before going for a freezing cold shower to wake me up. After my shower I head to the dining room to find out what the banter is with my colleagues, and encourage them with a bit of dry sarcasm.

7:45am: Time to head to the clinic for work, so we all (me and my fellow superhero nurses) clamber on to our trusty steed, a Honda trx quad bike 350cc (I’ve got an eye for mechanical detail) and make the 3 minute 45 second journey to the clinic. Although I call it a clinic, the place we work is nothing at all like what you are probably imagining. It’s more of a bombed out shell of a building that smells really bad and doesn’t have proper doors or windows. Here is a picture of the scene that awaits us most mornings:



8:00am: Now it’s time for devotions with the clinic staff (a bunch of Sudanese guys of around my age). At the moment we’re reading through Joshua, I don’t know whose bright idea that was but it’s given us ample chance to discuss circumcision together...what better way to start the day.

8:20am: Time to go out and face the masses (see photo above). Now you might have thought that all these people would be super appreciative that we are here making every effort to attend to their various ailments. Well sometimes they aren’t. We routinely get more people than we can see in a day and have to turn the excess away. Generally, they aren’t happy about this, particularly if they’ve travelled from a long way away, but that’s life.

8:30-11ish: Having upset all the people we’ve turned away and handed out numbers to all those who we will see (kinda like when you’re waiting to pick up the stuff you’ve bought from Argos), it’s time to get down to the serious business of seeing patients with interesting, odorous and occasionally downright disgusting infirmities, and helping our CHW’s do likewise.

11ish time for tea and seriously tasty mandazis. Good times.
11:30-2pm: More clinic craziness. On a good day I’ll get the chance to drive back to the compound to pick up some item of questionable importance. Gives a break from the intensity of seeing patients all day. Sometimes, we get to see some outrageously disgusting stuff, the kind of thing that would make you throw up your dinner. Sometimes we see so many patients I think I might go crazy. Sometimes we see children who are almost certainly going to die. It’s a wonderful world.

2-3pm: Lunch time...

3-6ish??: More patient madness. Sometimes people turn up late afternoon expecting to be seen. Unless they are dying it’s not going to happen...
After clinic finishes it’s time for an evening of fun filled banter. Kicked off with the challenge of cooking over a charcoal fire. Sometimes some of my good friends on the compound will offer to cook for me, although this arrangement is not without it’s problems. They like to debrief about the day and share ‘highlights’, but what if your day didn’t have any highlights..?

After dinner it’s internet time for a while, and then off to bed. If I’m on call, I might get the chance to take a late night trip up to the clinic to save the day once more. On a really good day I’ll get to wake one of my colleagues to come and help me. That is one of my favourite late night activities...

And that’s it, a day in the life of me, and a marked change in tone and language from my previous posts...I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you interested.

(can you tell?? I've suddenly picked up a Scottish accent ;)

Rhoda

One day every week, we nurses at the clinic are given a 'ministry day' - a day 'off' from the clinic, but with the intention of making the most of the day by getting involved in some other ministry outside the clinic walls. For the past few months, I haven't taken full advantage of this day. After eating some humble pie from a co-worker encouraging me to get my rear in gear, I am finally using this day to do something that I feel is totally valuable, and bringing much Joy to my heart :)

Please met my friend Rhoda :) Rhoda is a wonderful lady, mother of one little boy named Marcus and is currently expecting another (hopefully before I leave for home in August!!), and wife of a fabulous man, named Bulus who used to translate for us at the clinic, but is currently going to secondary school in Yabus.

Rhoda is a lady who is full of joy, always ready for a good joke or laugh, a hard worker (works at the clinic for a few hours 3 days a week keeping it clean - quite a task!), and is very generous... Just before I left for Nairobi two weeks ago, she gave me and Amy (clinic co-hort) a pair of earrings each, directly from her ears to ours :) Rhoda is a wonderful lady.

Rhoda, like most Mabaan women, cannot read. Bulus tells me that she did go to primary school in the refugee camp, but didn't complete her 3rd grade. So... a few weeks ago, Rhoda and I talked about it, and decided that every tuesday, I'd go over to her house, and we'd "do books" together... by the Grace of God Rhoda is learning to READ!!

It's rather amazing to sit with a grown woman, who, although she is younger than I, is so much farther ahead in life, and watch her eyes and lips struggle to identify the letter in front of her. I can hardly tell you how much joy we BOTH get when a letter that she finds particularly hard to remember just comes and clicks into place! We both laugh and grab each other's hands as if we're 5 years old, and then she'll flip the page, grow serious again, and try to remember the next one.

We're only a few weeks in, but she is already improving. In spite of my lack of Mabaan to explain things, and my inexperience at teaching anyone to read English, let alone Mabaan, she is a great student and dearly wants to know how to "do books" :) Please pray for me, as I teach and for Rhoda as she tries to 'study' and run a house as a single mom, with Bulus 3 hours away. It so tugs at my heart that so many women with SO much potential for SO many things, are, day in and day out, doing many things of importance for their families, but with a quiet & deep desire to learn and know, and READ... but have no opportunities to do so. I also pray that this is just the start of something... I pray for more opportunities in the future to give time and energy to wonderful women like Rhoda, with the vision that one day, they can pick up a Bible for themselves, read Jesus words, and be transformed by His truth on their own.

The girls that I work with in the clinic told me the other day, that Rhoda is the Mabaan equivalent of me... I'm not exactly sure that I agree, but I do take it as a great compliment... Rhoda is spunky and has attitude... perhaps therein lies the similarity :)
The day before I flew out I was over at Rhoda's for another lesson, and this time brought my camera. After I took the above picture of the two of us she said to me, "Katta, now take a picture of me with the book, and tell everyone at your home that I am learning to read!" :)

This is my friend Rhoda. And SHE is learning to R-E-A-D. :)

A good day to be me :)

Today was wonderful. And honestly, there haven't been too many days lately that could be qualified as "wonderful". :)

Today, was a Thomaji day (and I realize that I haven't given you a lot of information about Thomaji - I'll post my original info about Thomaji when I get to Nairobi - it's a real interesting read :) Anyway, I went out with Peter and Kamal (two of my favorite CHW's to go out with) and Sandra, a new girl here, from Canada, who is teaching with Barb at the CHW school. The place in Thomaji we went to is called "Bunj Tolgen" and is the home of the chief (if you know the story) who used really strong words with me at the beginning of our outreaches out there, and pretty much told me he thought I was 'just speaking nice words about coming out to help them, but didn't believe that we would ever come...' So, every time we have gone to Bunj Tolgen over the past three months, I always make a point of letting this Chief know that we have arrived, and will be there to weigh their children for the day.

SO! When we arrived today I got a super warm greeting from that chief, he kept his hand on my shoulder for a good minute after we'd greeted (a warm gesture in Mabaan),
AND he stayed the whole time during our bible and health teaching and weighing process (usually he finds something else to do) AND came over with me to assess a sick lady at the end of all that AND laughed at a joke I made :) Then, when we were leaving, Peter was explaining to him that that was our last day there until after the rains, he was totally understanding and just made a little speach about how happy he was that we'd come to do anything at all, b/c everyone else has ignored the people of Thomaji. I left him with the assurance that even though we would not be able to go out during the rains, I would be thinking of them and praying for them. This man was a big blessing to me day, and I praise the Lord for the encouraging steps forward I see in him, and in 'our' relationship. May he one day know and trust the Lord for himself.

It was also a wonderful day because we were able to start giving out the 500 mosquito nets I purchased (with ministry funds - many thanks to the hundreds of people who have contributed to that). We made many people happy :) I also go to see Mohammed, one of our favorite patients at the Doro clinic - a burn patient we had living with us for almost two months. I had lots of encouraging Mabaan moments (and let me tell you, THOSE are hard to come by these days too!), and was given lots of (undeserved) credit for 'knowing all of Mabaan' by the village ladies who delighted in talking with me and Sandra over coffee. It was a productive day too, we assessed and weighed 73 children, and 10 pregnant ladies, and gave out almost 80 mosquito nets. Let's see... what else... I got to stop, all be it quickly, in Gasmala and see many of the faces that I love so much. We biked back racing the rain the whole way and WON... we got back, wet, but beat the utter DOWN POUR just in time... AGAIN :) I had a wonderful shower in the rain - cold air, and sun-warmed water, while the sunset, that I couldn't see, turned the whole sky the coolest hazy shade of orange... I'm currently drinking my favorite Twinings Strawberry Vanilla Roibos tea, wearing my long lined pants and a sweatshirt :)

It was just a wonderful day to be me :) Which you could have traded me for a few hours to enjoy the bliss and challenge of living in Sudan - until the day when you can visit, you'll just have to live vicariously through this blog :)

I hope that were ever you are reading this from, that it was a good day to be you :)

Peace

Good News... Great News! The election results are finally in (after an almost 10 day delay) and, for the most part peace has remained in Sudan!! Praise the Lord :) This means that we are going home! I fly in less than 12 hours out to Loki (northern Kenya) where I'll stay tomorrow night, and then early on Friday morning I'll be Sudan bound yet again! :) After 5 weeks in Nairobi (that I thought was going to be 2)... I am VERY anxious to get back and see all those that I love. My Mabaan Mom and Dad are supposed to be coming to Doro to see me (I'm sure they also have business in town... I don't think I'm THAT special), and I'm excited to see our guys that we worth with everyday at the clinic... so many friends that I have missed!! Now I just need to be patient until I can get out to Gasmala and grab an armload full of my kids :)

Thank you... TRULY, THANK YOU for praying for this country during this past month. I am thoroughly impressed with the whole election process (in spite of many allegations of fraud and mismanagement that have plastered media - African media, that is - I sorta doubt that the west has covered this much) I am thrilled and flabbergasted that the people in the little corner that I live in even got to vote... Until you've seen the enormity and remoteness of Sudan (particularly the South) I don't think one should say too much about how badly the process was... I am impressed, and stating it for the record :)

May the Peace of the Lord continue to spread throughout this country and beyond.

Elections - Prayer Needed

(this photo is of an SPLM party member who came to Gasmala one day promoting their local candidate and the party as a whole. They sat with the men for a while, then this man came over to the ladies group and sat to give them his speech about the candidate. Then he promptly turned the poster over and had each of the ladies - all of whom are illiterate and have never held a pen in their hands, really - practice making the check mark inside the circle so that they would know what to do on election day, and so that their vote would count. I was impressed with this effort and SO proud that even in a country who has gone through the turbulence that Sudan has... the Women are voting... Praise the Lord :)... oh, and that's my Mabaan Mom, Ama, practicing her vote :)

April 11th - 13th is election time all over South Sudan. Please people, on behalf of millions of people, and thousands of Believers, I ask you to be praying for Sudan during the next few weeks. As you can imagine there is great potential for insecurity and really, the future is unknown to all of us, but the Lord. We certainly hope for the best for this country, the people undoubtedly deserve a fair election with an outcome that will benefit everyone - from bush hut to city street.

My friends and family in Sudan have been praying diligently for their country for years... and I am ashamed to say that they assume the world wide Church is doing the same - but you and I both know that's not the case. The confusing politics of this country has made people lose interest long ago, I'm afraid. Even I myself have not been devoted to prayer as I should have been.

If you are willing, please join with me in praying and fasting for the country of Sudan and for her Believers - those who follow after Jesus Christ and claim Him as their Lord and Savior. These people have seen heart ache that I cannot understand, yet their Faith in the Lord and His Goodness remains.

I can't help but feel that we are standing on the edge of the ocean, watching the tide pull back off the shore, and are left wondering if it will return in a regular sized wave, or if one of gigantic tidal proportions is coming our way... even though we can't yet see it...

Please join us in praying for the Beloved people of Sudan.

Still Twitching

Ok, so I JUST killed THE MOST disgusting and BIGGEST spider that I’ve seen since I’ve been in SUDAN... and it was IN my HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh... now I’m all twitchy and creepy and feel like there are more lingering around every bottle or book in my hut! :P Seriously it was BIG... and not one of those flat black ones.. it was HUGE and stood OFF the ground like a full inch – the body was ROUND (not flat like all the others) and was so big it actually had a PATTERN on it!! Black, white and brown... and it had eyes... RED ones that reflected in my head lamp light!!! SOO Creepy!

Anyway, he was on my table, casually chilling out on the side of one of my big clear containers that holds all my spice containers... so I prayed (out loud, b/c that’s the only way I can cope with these crazy things), grabbed my “fly” swatter, and swung as hard and fast as I could... I hit it, but as I suspected, couldn’t kill it b/c it was TOO big for the swatter’s force – I worked up my nerve and peered underneath my table cloth were, again as I suspected, it was clinging to the underside (creeeeepy). So I took a deep breath and unleashed the wrath of my “doom” can on it, where it ran (even now I’m getting the shivers) to the far under-side of my table... I could see it’s grotesque legs twitching from where I was squatted, so again – with the doom pointed at this horrid creature, I sprayed until I was certain he would not be long for this world. :) Within 10 seconds the dizzy eight legged monster dropped to the floor, trying to flee for its life, but it was no use... for I was NOT going to let it get away (lest it be a very sleep-less night for me!)... I hit it two more times with my “fly” swatter before I was satisfied enough that it was dead. So I scooped it up onto my swatter and, with MUCH adrenaline pumping through me, gingerly maneuvered through the mosquito net at my door (keeps the bats off my porch), and out of my hut to go and get some well deserved praise from whoever was still awake in the dining hall! It was show-and-tell of the most disgusting kind :)

Needless to say I am just a little proud of myself :) (but still looking over my shoulder!)
(Photos taken by Kevin... the spider I killed was the same kind, just a titch smaller... look at the size of that thing compared to his boot!!! augh!)

Together at Last!!

...and her name is...

Katta :)


Katta Ula oci Katta Bowa

Over Cooked

So, last June (ish), when working with our CHW (Community Health Worker) students in Gasmala - doing the 'Under 5 clinic' (where we weigh babies to see if they are growing at a good rate or getting malnourished) and Antenatal (seeing and assessing pregnant mothers to see if every thing is going as it should using really basic skills) I encountered a lady named Mary for the first time.

She was laying on my bed (we were working out of my tent in Gasmala) with her belly in the air ready to be assessed, and as soon as the CHW touched her, she cried out in pain. So I tried - same thing. She was supposed to be about 5-6 months pregnant, but sure didn't look it, had a lot of pain all on her right side, no abnormal bleeding or anything like that (I'm gunna down play the nasty terms for you non medical folks), and had been seen by other people in our Doro clinic months previously. So, not being an expert (or really, knowledgeable at all, besides what we get in our nursing training)I went out in search of Barb, my coworker and the CHW's teacher, who was doing the same thing in another tukul.

When I told her about our lady she was SURE that she'd seen her before and told her to go to the clinic to be seen by Dr.Emily (who was with us at the time). So, together we went back over to see her - sure enough, same woman. So, after a 'conference' with Mary and her husband, we stressed that she needed to go to the clinic b/c her pain was NOT normal, and we didn't have the necessary ability to assess her further in the village (not that the clinic has much more mind you!). So, with faith that she would take our concern to heart, we let her go.

The next time, about a month or two later when doing follow up 'clinics' in the village, I had Mary again. Same story. This time she HAD been to the clinic and she reported to us that they found nothing abnormal. Huh. That's odd considering her intense abdominal pain... Again, she was guarding to the point where I was uncomfortable probing deeper then surface in order to assess her. According to my measurement, she wasn't hardly 6 months along (still), and she hadn't gained any weight at all in the past two months. By this time, in my head, I'm starting to doubt if she is even really pregnant but had some sort of tumor/growth or something going on that, to her, is presenting as a pregnancy. So by this time it's August - I was just about to go home to Canada for about a month, and she was "due" to deliver, according to LMP math, next month. After stressing AGAIN that she NOT deliver in the village - since we really didn't know what was up with that abdominal pain, we set her off again.

A whole month or more later, when I got back from home and we are in Gasmala again seeing kids and prego moms, Mary walks into my tent again! "Still no baby?" I say to her... "oh, Kata... no - when is it going to come!?" So, she lays down for us to assess her again, this time she is at least measuring at about 8 months, and has gained weight. So, on the with assessment (as much as we could do, she was STILL having that R sided abd pain)... the CHW pulls out or fetalscope (the wooden cone shaped thing you've seen in the movies) to assess for a fetal heartbeat and I'm thinking - yeah, the likelihood of that is like zero to none... and low and behold... "here is it" he says. "What!?" I say, and promptly get out of my chair convinced that I'm going to hear the placental rhythm... "Well, I'll be..." There is was - strong and fast... a Baby. Not only that, but the head was engaged - this baby was gettin' ready to meet the world! So, we tell her, it shouldn't be too long - maybe a few weeks, and out she went.

I continued to see Mary when I was out in Gasmala every week - she is actually James' (my Mabaan Dad) neice and lives close. And week after week, she'd walk by with that big belly and I'd say, "Mary - still!?" and she'd say "oh, Kata, when!?"

So, about two weeks ago now - mid november, I stopped to talk with her and had James there to help me with Mabaan. As I asked her questions I found out that she'd been having back pain for about 4 days, and the baby had stopped moving. So, even though James asked me to assess her right there (I had nothing with me!), I told her to get to the clinic as soon as she could (which was going to be the day after tomorrow).

Saturday evening (the day she was to come) rolled around and still no Mary. Where was she? Finally at about 5pm Masir, one of the clinic CHW's came to get me - she'd arrived. When I got up to the clinic with Scottie (who is working in the clinic for about 5 months), Mary tells me that she left Gasmala that morning and because she was having so much back pain, it took her all day to get here - the walk usually takes about 1 hour - 1 1/2 hours. She'd walked alone, and brought no food or belongings with her, even though I'd told her to prepare to stay in the Doro area for a few days when she came (just in case). So, Scottie and I started over - going through all the details with her and previous assessments. She told us that her water broke (but not fully, really only leaking) about 4 days ago, and at that time her body started contracting as if the baby was going to come. But, after a day or so it stopped and hadn't started again - and the baby had stopped moving. She had no other fluids or fever, or complications, other then the bad back pain. And, as I'd feared, when we pulled our Doppler out to find the baby's heartbeat, there was nothing. Scottie and I just looked at each other. We knew there was nothing we could do about it that night, we needed to talk to Dr.Rob, Sandy, and Sarah (who all knew lots more then we did), and we needed to tell her to stay in Doro and come to the clinic when it was open again on Monday - unless something started happening. How long until a body started to expel a dead baby? I didn't know. But, with no fever, we felt fine to leave her for the time being (we gave her meds to cover our bases for infections, and pain). "But Kata, I want to go home tomorrow" she said to me with pleading eyes... "Mary, you really can't - there is something wrong and we don't know what. If you go home, the problem will get bigger. You need to stay and come to the clinc on Monday." "OK."

Monday morning rolls around, and b/c Sandy said she was my patient, I was up there waiting for her - Sarah was going to assess her, and I wanted to learn AND wanted to be a familiar face for Mary. We waited - then I went out to search for her. I went to the place she was staying and asked after her. "We don't know where she is - she went back to Gasmala yesterday." What!? Seriously. After all our efforts and trying to help her, I felt like she'd thrown it back in our faces. How do you make people care about their own health... and why are we bending over backward when they don't!? For the love. I felt like she'd made a fool of me, b/c I asked the clinic to make exceptions for her. I got on the phone and called James. I was ticked, and he knew it. He assured me he'd send her back - he was rather frustrated as well. So, later that night, who walks into our compound? Mary was back - tired, but moving easier then the day before. I asked her why she went back, and her answer was "I was hungry". I'm still not sure what I think about that - I don't think that's the whole story, but anyway, nothing could be done right then. I told her to come to the clinic the next morning first thing, and we'd see her. So she left to stay the night with James' relatives in Doro (a different place then the time before). We weren't about to make more exceptions for her & see her right then, since it didn't seem like she was too concerned about herself. She'd have to wait until morning.

So, now it's Tuesday morning - my flight for Nairobi is the next morning, and finally she is THERE at the clinic waiting for us when it opens. Sarah reviews the history, asks more questions, and the does her assessment. THIS time, through the doppler come the strong pulsating sound of the baby's heart. Praise the Lord! We have NO idea where that heart beat was 36 hour previous, but we could NOT find it! So, with that bit of good news, Sarah calls Dr.Rob to find out what he thinks since now, Mary is about 10-11 months along in her pregnancy... yep you read that right. She was supposed to deliver in September, and it was November 24th. The answer came, "Induce her!" So, Sarah pulled out the text books, and we readied an IV and the meds while reading up on how one goes about inducing someone in the bush - this was to be the first induced delivery in our Doro clinic. I went back in to tell her the good news. After MONTHS of making a good home for this baby, she was SO happy to find out that she would mostly likely be having it that day! Finally! :)

I stayed with her most of the day - again she'd come with no family, and Mabaan women always deliver with help from family and friends... I didn't want her to be alone with Kawaja's she didn't know. So, about 6 hours later, a rather hilarious, but I'm sure horrible, phase of transition labor started where she kept moving from the bed to the floor saying: "Kata... I need to go out side... let me go out side..." - "no Mary, you can't, you have to stay here where we can help you..." (2 minutes later) "Kata, I need to go outside." "Why Mary?" "Kata, please." "Mary, you really need to say." (a minute later), "Kata, take me outside, I need to go to the bathroom", "Mary you can't, if you go to the bathroom outside the baby will come, and then what will happen?" (2 minutes later) "Kata, I need to go outside", "Mary you need to stay here..." (I realize that this sounds rather cruel to those of you who haven't been around a woman in labor... but trust me, she was fine - she didn't have to poo like she thought, it was the baby's head, and if she went outside and started pushing that baby would have come out and we'd have been up the creek to help her if there was a complication). WE finally got her to lie down, and she complained that she was hot and wanted to go out side b/c there was wind out there - "I'll bring the wind in here!" I told her, and started fanning her with the curtain... that kept her calm for about 10 minutes... praise the Lord. Then she got up once more, slid to the floor, got in a squatting position, and made eye contact with me. I raised my eyebrows, and she responded with one nodd and click of her tongue... It was time. I communicated with the rest of our team (Sandy, Amy, and Scottie) as well as two of James' relatives (at least there were two Mabaan women there, even if they hardly knew Mary), and everyone got into place. Since Mary was squatting (the best position in my very inexperienced opinion), there was only room for Sandy's hands, the rest of us stood watching and ready with tools and towels. I watched Mary's face, as still, even with the two Mabaan ladies there, she looked to me as being her support person (can you imagine!).


Mary pushed maybe two or three times, and Sandy barely had enough warning to catch the beautiful and perfect baby girl that came out crying! :) Mary had tears streaming down her face - it was finally over, and my eyes were welling up with tears, with pride over my friend who'd been through so much in her life, and endured SUCH a long pregnancy. The baby was here, and Praise be to the Lord of Hosts who'd brought this strange pregnancy to such a beautiful end, and with no big complications (she bled more then she should have, but Sandy go that under control with some great prompting and directions from Dr.Rob via Satellite phone in Nairobi).

With Mary laying down in bed once more, and the baby at her side, we all breathed a sigh of relief that it was over, but none of us more happy than Mary. Eventually her family started to show up and meet the newest edition to the clan - they showed up with food and clean clothes and smiles - it was such a familiar routine but in a completely different context - the only thing missing was the bouquets of flowers.

Twelve hours later I went up to check on my new favorite mother/daughter duo... the baby's skin was darker (the pink from yesterday giving way to the beautiful dark color she will end up being), wrinkly, and dry - which is apparently common and indicative of babies who have been "Over cooked" such as this one! She is beautiful, and Mary looked much better after some rest :) I have to be honest with you and say that I do hope they name the baby Kata - that would be quite an honor. But, no matter what they name that gorgeous little one, she is SO precious in the eyes of Jesus, as is her mother... and I can hardly tell you what a privilege and honor it was to be alongside this woman as she brought her into this world. As I watched the Lord give this woman a gift - her daughter, I felt a similar overwhelming feeling as the reality of my own gift from the Lord sunk in... As much as I am a Kawaja, and will always be one :) these people have opened their lives and hearts to me, they have allowed me to walk with them through tough times, labor pains, hunger, joys, and blessings. I am, and will always be, I expect, utterly amazed at the gift that that is from the Lord. May He be glorified in these relationships, and May, by His Severe Grace and Mercy, He the Lord and Savior of this new little life.

First Kill

So a few nights ago I got to kill my very first snake :) I've seen a few (not tons) of varying lengths, shapes, and sizes... but this is the first one that I killed. Now... don't judge me too harshly... I realize that it's small... but when was the last time YOU killed a snake!? hehe

According to Dr. Rob, who loves to research snakes... this is a poisonous one, but not a lethal one (he found two options of what it could be)... sorry to disappoint but it's not a Black Mamba :P

Overwhelmed yet?

Yesterday I was down by the river in Gasmala with my friend Deborah... just enjoying our time, smiling at the wet and dark little bodies playing and laughing in the water, admiring the green all around us and the amazing thunder heads forming across the way...

All the serenity came to an abrupt end as, along the path, we came across a lady, well into her 60’s I would guess, ‘laying’ in a very uncomfortable position, twitching, in the throes of a seizure. As I came around the rest of the bush that had her half hidden, I looked into the bewildered faces of a few children standing by watching the scene unfold. I approached her on the other side I walked up from, knelt beside her head to get a better look at her face... did I know this woman? Her face was so distorted from the seizure that I couldn’t tell, but I noticed the necklace she had on and knew... I’d definitely greeted her this morning while I was sitting with my women having coffee – she had come by to visit with my friends. I said to one of the kids I recognized, ‘Who is she?’... ‘I don’t know’ they said... ‘Go get someone’, I requested – trying to imagine how to help this women with my little Mabaan, knowing full well that there wasn’t an adult around for a good distance. (that kid never did go).

The lifeguard in me took over the situation as I was drawn back to her face... at this point she was struggling to breathe around the phlegm/spit that had accumulated in her mouth, so Deb and I turned her onto her side, into the recovery position, and I held her head while the seizure eventually came to an end. Just as her body started to lay still once again, three older teen-aged girls who’d been swimming on the other side of the river, came over to see what the commotion was about, since our crowd of observing-and-not-helping children was growing. Again I looked down at this beautiful lady but this time, her eyes were starting to see, and you could tell that the fog left over from such an expenditure of energy was starting to clear. “What’s your name” I asked her... She looked at me, but said nothing... “Awa” one of the new girls came to her rescue.

At this point these girls seemed to think the best thing for her was to ‘get up and brush it off’, so they started to pull on her arms to get her up off the ground. “No. Leave her to rest” – the last thing we needed was her stumbling, half conscious, only to fall and injure herself. I was mulling over all my thoughts and observations: how she was acting, what questions I would ask if I could... and since I couldn’t, what could I attempt to ask her... and what in the world would have happened to her if no one was around... what would have happened if she had seized while IN the river that I was sure she had been planning to cross. By God’s Grace we don’t have to know the answer to that question.

I concluded that this was not the first time this woman had experienced a seizure since, as she was ‘coming too’ she never once said anything, looked confused, or asked what happened... she seemed all too aware of what had occurred.

Once she started to look around (even though I tried my best to make the onlookers leave, only two did) at all the faces peering down at her, I asked, “Do you want to drink water?” She nodded, so we helped her sit up for a long drink from my Nalgeene bottle. Deb and I were still discussing what in the world to do for her when she decided to stand up. Eventually, it was decided that the girls, who apparently knew of her would help her get across the river with her bag of grain (which had been dropped a few feet away) without it getting ruined (the river is above neck level now that the rainy season is coming to an end). So, we helped her find her shoes that had somehow been strewn in two different directions long before we came upon her, and then they headed a little further upstream to cross.

Deb and I sad on the edge of the river bank to watch the process – there was no way I was going anywhere until I saw those feet on terra firma on the other side. If anything happened to her between our bank and the other, I was goin’ in! No need – she crossed just fine, and was the strongest swimmer out of the younger entourage escorting her. Eventually she was across, dressed again, and on her way with her grain perched on her head, as it had been originally.

I walked away from the whole thing, quite frankly, really troubled and dissatisfied. Not so much with my inability to communicate with her, as my realization that it wouldn’t have mattered. What can be done for people in a land with no resources? For people with infections, ‘simple’ illnesses, or injures enough can be done to restore them, if not prevent it from occurring again. But for someone who had struggled with something like epilepsy for years, if not their whole lives, pretty much, next to nothing can be done. The meds she would need would require so much monitoring and adjusting, the resources are lacking and rather non-existent, and it would be a logistical impossibility. The answer?... to let her walk away... and pray that she felt even a little cared for in the process.

Overwhelmed yet?